Ultimately I saved myself but my CrossFit Family got me there..... Thank you

I've read so many blog post or articles where people write about how CrossFit saved their lives. Well this is one of those blogs (kind of). When I walked into my my Box back in October I was in a very dark place. I had been slipping for months (to be truthful I had been slipping for a couple of years and spiraling for months). Each day was a struggle and not just to stay above water but to just survive.

I have always been a survivor. My childhood would have crushed most people but I  persevered,   succeeded in life, having a family and a career and for the most part I am a very strong person. I have always been able to overcome any obstacle personal or professional, not only surviving but thriving. Over the past few years through a series of setback I was not able to "reset" and ended up pretty far down in a hole I could not claw my way out of.

I hid this from my family, friends and coworkers, ashamed that I could not just brush it off, pick myself up and move on. Putting on the "mask" of Christie-Lee became second nature but was also an overwhelming burden. I gained weight and that just pushed me further down this hole of despair. By the time last fall rolled around I would have daily conversations with myself  and discuss the reason why my family would be better off without me. The lists were extremely silly but at the time they made complete sense to me. The only reason I did not go down this road is because I was afraid it would be one of the children that would find me.

I tell you this not to feel sorry for me but share my story since I know I am not the only one out there that have these feelings (they are not alone and should not feel ashamed)and even though someone appears to be strong (you have no idea how many times I have heard "you are the strongest person I know" all the while thinking I was a fraud). I tell you this story because if you are in that place you can pull yourself out.

Last October on a whim I walked into my Box. I had briefly been introduce to CrossFit seven months before but other things came up and it didn't work out. There was something different about this Box and the owner of this box was so welcoming and easy to work with after the first two sessions I was hooked.

The transformation was two-fold. The WOD's, the weightlifting the nutrition is one part of it. I love it all. You push yourself and you do things you never thought you would be capable of doing. Mind of matter. There is something so empowering about lifting heavy weights over your head, throwing kettlebells around and pushing prowlers across gravel (which seriously sucks). My body soon became Goddess like (yeah I'm hot I admit it). My mind became strong again and I knew that I was going to be ok.

The second transformation took a bit longer and was more of a learning curve for me. I am not one that gets close to people. I have very few friends and my family does not put the fun in dysfunctional. So close personal relationships are not my thing. This is where CrossFit has really changed my life. I am fortunate enough to have two Boxes so that means double the amount of people. My main Box is smaller and we have a very close knit group of people and every single one of them I am proud to call my friend. We encourage one another, we give a hand up and we cheer SO LOUD for each of us to succeed. The other Box has been around longer and at first I was hesitant to go over because I was the "nube" but one day I sucked it up and showed up for Power Hour and you would have thought I had been going there for years. We are a hodge-podge group of people but we truly care for each others well-being, we are competitive but don't mind losing to each other.

It all came together for me during 14.5. I did not think that I was going to be able to finish but I was going to give it my all. My goal had been to put a score up for all of the Open WOD's and I wasn't going to let Dave Castro beat me!! 14.5 though was going to be tough. I had my judges and I was ready to go. Well after the first 5 thrusters I was ready to quit but Jenn and Beth wouldn't let me so I continued. With their support I continued on and slowly chipped away (wanting to quit every few minutes) The rest of the Box had finished but I was still going feeling like I couldn't do anymore  the Box gave me the support I needed. They surrounded me and cheered me on for the next 10 minutes until FINALLY at 30.03 I finished. I will admit I cried. Not just out of sheer exhaustion but because of the love and support I felt from my fellow CrossFitters.

Ultimately I saved myself but it was my CrossFit family that gave me the strength to pull myself out of the hole I had fallen down. I know if I start slipping again they will be there to help me pull myself back up.