This morning while at breakfast my husband and I were discussing our daughter and my husband said "she is so much like you" and I replied that sounds like a bad thing. He said "not so much a bad thing but she is so headstrong and unforgiving", again I said "and that is a bad thing how? "
This discussion started a series of different dialogues in my head (yes I can hold several different conversations with myself at the same time), and I came to the conclusion that those who are less forgiving are perceived in a negative way. Well I want to speak out in defense of those who have decided that forgiveness is not for them.
Now I am not talking about never forgiving people or holding grudges for petty stuff but this thought that you have to forgive someone who has wronged you (because it is better for your psyche, yeah that is bullshit) is just plain wrong. I for one am tired of being considered a bitch or less of a person because I chose not to be the "forgiving" type.
I could make the argument that those that decide to forgive other for their behavior are "enablers" and they are only adding to the downfall of the civility of society because they allow others to get away with bad behavior without consequences.
To be honest in my younger days I swallowed a lot of bullshit and "forgave" others just so that harmony in the family could exist. Well I eventually got tired of that and decided no more and voted certain people "off my island". I can tell you it was the best decision I have ever made and I have never questioned it and my life is much easier without those people. If I chosen to forgive them then every holiday, birthday and probably phone call would be fraught with anxiety and anger.
I know, I know, the psychologists and the church all say it is better to forgive "it gives you piece of mind" BULLSHIT. Forgiveness is the easy way out that way you don't have to hold other accountable for their actions and hopefully they won't hold you accountable for yours. Trust me I do not expect someone to forgive me if wrong them, if they chose to great but I am not a hypocrite in that respect. I find that those of us who choose not to forgive take the harder route but in the end it is most likely the best for us since you protect ourselves from further hurt.
Once someone accused (and I use the word accuse because he meant it in a mean and hurtful way)me of being an "oath seeker". What he meant by this is that I expected a certain amount of loyalty from those around me and if I didn't get it I was a bit harsh. This bothered me for days (and maybe it still does still sting a little) but the more I thought about it yes dammit I am an "oath seeker" if you are my friend I am loyal to the death and I defend you no matter what even when you are wrong, and I expect the same in return. If not then yes I will call you on it.
I know there are other people out there like me but are afraid to admit it since society labels us mean or bitchy but I am here to stand up for you!! There is nothing wrong with us we just chose a different path. To those of you that are "forgivers" good for you, but please allow those of us who are different the freedom to be ourselves without judgement. In essence forgive us for not being "forgivers".
Now I am still teaching my daughter that there are times when people just make mistakes and we should give them a pass BUT I am also teaching her that there are times when enough is enough. She's still learning but we will get there and I guarantee no one will ever think she is a pushover and they will think twice before messing with her. I only wish I was as strong as she is at her age.
So this rant is for those that are like me and choose not be "forgivers" and let you know it is ok you are not alone. I proudly announce that I am a "non-forgiver" (and for good measure) and an "oath seeker".
